Dear Derry,

I just don’t know how to express myself any other way. Because the endless ways in which i could say i loved you just don’t seem to suffice and i have to rely on the cliché. But with this kind of confidence where i know i’ve found something good. Where i’m not afraid to admit that what i have is love. I never stop being me and you never stop being you, we just end up being even better together. It’s a quiet kind of reassurance, you know, in the way that no matter what you do or how you do it, i’ll still be there for you, and you’ll be there for me. It’s knowing you don’t have to share every second of every minute of every hour of every day, because some things are special and some things are worth hiding away. Just for the two of us. Just for the life we’ve created within each other. Even though i might not always be vocal about it, you’ll know i’m here and that everything you do makes me proud.

Every time i look at you still feels like the first time and silly little love stories seem real, because once upon a time, they must have been, right? We are best friends and confidantes. We are each other’s biggest supporters and truest fans. We adore each other’s bodies and brains. We are aligned in our everyday hopes and future dreams. Where we can make all of these new memories together, and even if we fight, there’s a silver lining somewhere. I don’t want to focus on the end. i want to live in the here and now, and devote myself unabashedly to you.

This feeling is so odd, because you are, in a strange way, a part of me. Because you latched yourself into my life and heart and all of those other cliches, and settled there with a weird sort of confidence or maybe it was genius, because you just knew that anything was possible.

That maybe i was supposed to find my love in you all along, that i never had to look far, because you were always there. 

And if that’s crazy or insane or egotistical or absurd, so be it. Because maybe love is a little of all of those things. Maybe love is so much more. And maybe i love you a little harder than i should.

Semoga kamu semakin tumbuh jadi pribadi yang menurut pada perkataan orangtua, mencintai adik perempuanmu, mengemban tanggung jawabmu sebagai seorang kakak, dan menjadi kebanggaan keluarga besarmu. Dan untuk semua permintaan yang selalu kamu ucapkan disetiap doa mu, semoga Allah mengaminkan.

Oh iya, sudah 22 tahun kamu jangan rendah diri lagi ya, you're bigger than your fears.

Selamat ulang tahun, Derry sayang.